expressions

The Perfect Man

2011-06-20T09:10:00.000-07:00

Well for starters, he HAS to be imperfect. Perfection is way too boring! But it seems that a lot of people are interested in knowing what girls/women want in their partners. "Wants" vary enormously (pun intended) but I guess something we (the female sect) all agree on is that we need your time and your ear and your support. Nah, not that we are very good at all that but we try.. and honestly, we'd be ok even if you're not all that but just make an effort. After all if we are ready to get bored over your latest car or gizmo or a "toy" (pun intended again!), well we deserve the same respect back. Don't get me wrong, am not saying that you need to be interested- I can't get myself interested in anything that am not doing hands-on but well.. like you pretend to be awake and listening alert in a boring class, just pretend. It doesn't hurt or does it?!

And if you are of the self-righteous kind who "don't do what they don't mean" type, hard luck kiddo, the next time in bed, we can say.. well the same thing, huh?! Basically what am trying to say is perhaps, we also have ways to get back at you and going by your "morals", you'll just make the game tougher for you. Don't trust me? Be my guest, date any girl who doesn't say "mere pati mera malik" (in a nasal tone) and be prepared for it, power unleashed!

The next big complain a girl has about her partner? (Hmm... well unfortunately Pyaar ka Punchnama isn't a good enough guide to the mysteries in a woman's head basically because there are no more mysteries!) Here's what the next thing is: NOTHING! Get real man, who cares as long as you allow us to blabber and be patient? We are more in love with talking than with you. So get your head straight- fake it or leave it. After all, even you guys need to learn how to fake it at times (pun not intended very seriously!) and that's why we love Chandler Bing!

P.S. Spare me for the dirty talk, common knowledge says that that's what interests guys the most. Am not the judge!

P.P.S. In short- fake it!! ;)

Never mind- we don't!

2011-06-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

Irom Sharmilla, they won't care about you. All they are interested is in bloody TRP. Ramdev and Hazare get recognition because of their political motives. Binayak Sen didn't have any, nor have you. They call themselves the media and they are indeed but they don't care about what you and I want. They want to unite people against corruption. Tell me, who checks their corruption, them being sold off to and being petted by cheap politics? And when some very few stand up, trying acting for what the media stands, J. Dey is shot 9 times to death. And then again they talk of insurgency problems and Naxals attacks. Today is the 3rd day when a person has been killed by the Naxals- it's 3/3 for the last 3 days! You think they'll solve your problem if you fast? No they won't. They won't even if you go attack the parliament. They just want money and the media wants to make money "uniting against corruption". Basically, that's what our politics and our "responsible media" is into- MONEY. You and I are not money-minded. Nor are the Naxalites (they are WRONG but they are not money-minded). So people will condemn us while supporting Ramdev. Forgive them Irom, they are just humans- humans who have been blessed with a heart smaller than you and monetarily more inclined. Just hope they are blessed in the next life. Amen.

Why a career in finance?

2011-05-26T02:04:00.000-07:00

People having been asking me off late what this craze for is and why I have it. They wonder if it's for the money or for the "status". I say no and well, here's why:

The most important and interesting part about finance according to me is how people act to news and price levels of the index and the stock. This in short is the behavioral aspect of finance and when you as a fund manager put out strategies, you essentially take into account this aspect (though you might not be aware of it).
The financial intuition and the logic behind every "buy" and "sell".
Numbers, the next part of the game. And mostly anyone who's logically sound loves numbers (i say mostly, so don't hold anything against me- my mom is one of the most logical people i know and she doesn't understand or love numbers). Am no different (not to mean that am boasting about my logical ability but then am surely above the average). Numbers and data are the biggest proofs in the world, at least this world that we deal in.
Coding: the next best or may be even better than number crunching.
The client interface: you research, innovate, sell your ideas. The selling is equally fun and entertaining provided you know your research in and out. And hence, the great thing about finance is the research. You can tell me that most firms research but I'd say finance firms or specially the strategy divisions of finance firms research the faster than most industries sheerly because of the market sentiments governed by the behavioral aspects of people. So if you love research, finance is great for you- you have more scope of learning something new everyday here than anywhere else.
The money: oh no, not because of your salary but because you get to see how money moves and how money is created in the system. That's something extremely interesting for any economist.

Touchwood

2011-05-24T13:45:00.001-07:00

Till date I've got whatever I wanted from life but will life always be this kind?

2011-05-24T13:45:00.000-07:00

Till date I've got whatever I wanted from life but will life always be this kind?

2011-05-11T02:04:00.000-07:00

সঁখি ভাবনা কাহারে বলে?

সঁখি যাতনা কাহারে বলে?

তোমরা যে বলো দিবস ও রজনী

ভালবাসা ভালবাসা...

সখি ভালবাসা কারে কয়?

সে কি কেবলই যাতনাময়

সে কি কেবলই চোখের জল

সে কি কেবল এ দুঃখের শ্বাস

লোকে তবে তরে কি সুখেরই তরে

এমন দুখেরও আঁশ

আমার চোখেতো সকলই শোভন

সকলই নবীন, সকলই বিমল

শুনীল আকাশ, শ্যানল কানন

বিসম জোসনা, কুসুম কোমল

সকলই আমারই মত তারা

কেবলই হাসে, কেবলই গায়

হাসিয়া খেলিয়া মরিতে চায়

না জানে বেদন, না জানে রোদন

না জানে সাধের যাতনা যাতন

ফুল সে হাসিতে হাসিতে ঝরে

জোসনা হাসিয়া মিলায় যায়

হাসিতে হাসিতে আলোক সাগরে

আকাশের ও তারা দেয়াবে তাই

আমার মত সুখে কে আছে

আয় সখি আয় আমার কাছে

সখি হৃদয়ের সুখের দান

শুনিয়া তোদের জোড়াবে প্রান

প্রতিদিন যদি কাদিবে কেবল

একদিন নয় হাসিবে তোরা

একদিন নয় বিষাদ ভুলিয়া, সকলে মিলিয়া

গাহিব মোরা...

ভাবনা কাহারে বলে?

সঁখি যাতনা কাহারে বলে?

তোমরা যে বলো দিবস ও রজনী

ভালবাসা ভালবাসা...

সখি ভালবাসা কারে কয়?

Tobu... Mone Rekho

2011-05-10T12:45:00.000-07:00

Tobu Mone rekho jodi doore jai chole.
Jodi puratono prem dhaka pore jaye nobopremojale.
Jodi thaki kachhakachhi,
Dekhite na pao chhaya'r moton achhi na achhi-
Tobu mone rekho.
Jodi jol ashe ankhipate,
Akdin jodi khela theme jaye modhuraate,
Tobu mone rekho.
Akdin jodi badha pore kaaje sharodo prate- mone rekho.
Jodi poriya mone
Chholochholo jol nai dakha daye noyonkone-
Tobu mone rekho.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uw-P6Bkxepc&feature=related

150th birthday of the bard

2011-05-09T05:58:00.000-07:00

As a Bengali, you grow up with Rabindranath and then he grows onto you. In Bengal we idolize Tagore, na na Rabindranath Thakur... No, not because we think he's god but because he found godliness in human beings. He was human, he made mistakes, he learnt from them. On the bard's 150th birthday, this is to thank him for letting us find comfort in him, in every imaginable human emotional situation. This Rabindra Jayanti, here's to a true human being, with all his blots and halos- here's to humanity, the biggest truth in the world!

Lost and Found

2011-04-23T11:33:00.000-07:00

A moment of pride and selfless happiness always comes with a lot of grief and regret. What have I done to myself? I used to challenge the guy who got through B.Stat. in ISI and then for Ph.D in Standford and am just another common achiever!! Well he was more, much much more intelligent than me but I'd it in me to achieve a lot more than I have. In retrospection, have I achieved anything? Is IGIDR an achievement? NO! NEVER! The entrance was beyond stupid, am stuck with people who are just average (may be count out a couple of them or 4). But I could have done better in life.. I'll do better in life!

P.S. Why have you always challenged my intellect knowingly or unknowingly, right from the moment I've known you?

Randomized

2011-04-18T11:35:00.000-07:00

Sorry, nothing irritates me more than stupidity. So if you're intelligent and want to irritate me, you're unlucky!
All philosophy is great on paper but never in practice.
"In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is."
I can't be sweet and am shamelessly not sorry for that!

Why am Taking the Jan Lokpal Bill Skeptically

2011-04-14T02:25:00.000-07:00

Well for starters, let me say, in India we are so governed by emotions and sentiments that me saying a word against the Jan Lokpal Bill will make me either corrupt or a cynic. Am neither and I don't need to prove that. But here's why am not partying hard with Anna Hazare:

JLB will deal with corruption alright, but what kind of corruption? Is only monetary exchange corruption? How about winning elections, rigging?
They say that the accused will have to make good whatever losses the government suffered for a certain government official's corruption. Again my question is, how about rigging? How can you measure the loss that society/government suffered?
People have been saying that such a powerful body is a threat to democracy: I don't think so (the purview of the Lokpal just being corruption). Well I don't support the fact that Nobel laureates, Bharat Ratna and their likes should be allowed to elect members for the Lokpal because of the simple reason that i) any country wanting to mess with India's sovereignty can do so very easily by awarding a Nobel or a Magasay award to someone ii) the government can trade Bharat Ratna and awards of likes for a candidate in the Lokpal. People's participation, and with some emphasis educated people's participation is absolutely mandatory for the members to remain apolitical candidates.
Even if the members are apolitical, "Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely." I emphasize on this because the members once elected most probably won't be elected again. So they've every incentive to collude and plunge into rent seeking activities. In such a case, the "if a member found guilty..." wouldn't apply and the Lokpal itself will be a hub for corruption.
The Lokayukts will take in complaints from across the society: there are 2 problems with this. i) Most people have petty complaints like the police towing their vehicle from parking or their passport not being made in the stipulated time. If we can't afford to wait 1-2 years for solutions of such things. So there would be no incentive to register a complaint with the Lokpal in such cases. The Lokpal then loses some of its objectives that it set out to do. ii) Even if say we complain for such things. There would be a minimum of 5,000 complaints in each Lokayukt daily. In such an event, I doubt if the Lokpal can stick to its ambitious time frames.
If we think that passing a bill will stop corruption, we perhaps need to think again. Corruption is in the minds of people- cheating in exams is corruption. The popular thing we say about curbing cheating in exam is "Don't set a paper where cheating can help!" We need to find a similar solution at a bigger level. JLB is effective in treating the symptoms but we need a vaccination against the disease! The only way perhaps to achieve that is to ensure morality and decrease the competition for getting richer in the society. But then again, we have so much of poverty, it's tough!
Last but far from being the least, personally I feel, "fast unto death" is an emotional blackmail which should not be encouraged in any form. Anna Hazare made the UPA accept what he demanded and now what he demanded has been found to have loopholes. At least we should fixate on what we want before creating such a drama! Sadly most of our country has not even read the JLB but has united against corruption. It's good that we've united against corruption but you should at least know what you are supporting!

Finally, stopping my skeptic pen, I hope this change, the passing of the JLB brings about a change in our minds and not just on papers. It's a step forward and anything greater than a zero would make us happy. But whether it will work or not is upto us- the onus lies on us to make or break what the bill shall be passed for. Together you and I can shape a modern India high on morals and ethics and that's the way. It'll take time but all good things are worth the wait. So shall we today take an oath to at least see the India we dream to live in when we die?

Fast unto Death?

2011-03-03T08:07:00.000-08:00

I wonder if we should support any "fast-unto-death". While I believe it's blackmailing the concerned people, when something is so freaking important what do you do? But then there can never be anything more important than human life. Perhaps we shouldn't support it just because human life is so important. But then again what about it when it actually tries to protect other many more lives? God, why can't there just be right or wrong? No I guess it's wrong! There should be other ways to protect human life and the loss of one most definitely will not ensure the safety of others!

2011-03-03T02:16:00.000-08:00

I wish I would say I don't care, meaning it every time I said so.

Somethings are best untitled

2011-03-01T00:06:00.000-08:00

I'm gradually turning insane I think. I think too much and want to do everything at the same time. Am impatient and it's really getting out of control. Guess I should start meditating but it seems like such a waste of time when you have so many other things to do. I wish people didn't have to sleep for 8 hours- gosh what a waste!!! There's so much to do and such obvious things at that, I want the answers to them but they haven't been done yet. Am talking about research, in anything for that matter. And ya I agree that I resembling someone uncannily.

Help!!!

2011-02-21T15:40:00.000-08:00

You know what? Am kind of proud of my surname and won't give it up at any cost. It's for obvious reasons, the reason not being Nobel laureate Amartya Sen!

Finally Charmed!

2011-02-21T13:45:00.000-08:00

I never thought I'd say this 1 year back. I will miss IGIDR. Not the people, but the life. Waking up at 11 in the morning and cribbing about the lack of sleep, hearing autos gyrating by even at 3 am in the morning, a heartbreakingly beautiful skyline from the guest house balcony as the evening wind breezes against the cheeks, the crows awake at 2 o'clock in the night, the late night sutta near the swimming pool, the pathetic food of the mess... so very IGIDR.

I guess once you start enjoying your work and stop cribbing about the people around, any place grows onto you. This place is indeed a researcher's paradise! Free internet and what speed! An in-house gym, swimming pool, baddy court, tennis court, the perfect seminar halls, the prim and proper cleaning of each building corner, free access to any journal you want, any software you want, any database you want! And god what a library. Infrastructure wise no institute can beat IGIDR in the near future. Take away the Santoshnagar music and if I want to be in academics I'd definitely want to be here! And in a 2.5 months this will be over, it'll be like throwing us out from Santa's big bag into the big bad world. Then I wonder should I stay back for a Ph.D?!

A Possible FB App

2011-02-20T13:32:00.000-08:00

Facebook should start some app for the perfect match making you know. With the amount of information available, it should not be very difficult! I mean just going through the kind of books a person reads, the kind of movies, TV shows he/she watches and the music he/she listens to, you can figure out so so much about the person. I mean every time I visit someone's page who hardly is active on FB yet is my friend, I can see that in the pages he/she likes. It's the same for people who are not my wavelength matches. It would save many people this hassle of dating and finding the perfect partner. Of course the ones not believing in online friendships or the power of ingenious apps can go on looking. It reminds me of a How I Met Your Mother Episode where Ted is about to find the girl with whom the dating agency matches him and she's already taken: some strange algorithm but interesting all the same.

Puzzled...

2011-02-17T00:49:00.000-08:00

Am actually afraid and I don't think am saying this because am smitten. I am truly in love with Finance and financial research is pulling me with a power nothing ever could. And I thought a job was my ultimate goal. For some reason I feel that we should be responsible for shaping the toddler that Indian finance right now is. And no, it's not coz of Susan, she showed me a way but then if the thing am working on makes money, I shall really think about it.

We the stupid people of India?!

2011-02-09T11:10:00.000-08:00

India has poverty, hunger, corruption, bad taste in music, movies, books (subject to what view you prescribe, this is true of every country!). We watch pathetic Bollywood movies where there are 5 songs declaring love, cheesy dialogs, mindless comedy, senseless fights and no story. We enjoy them! We listen to songs like "Munni Badnaam Huyi" or "Dekha jo tujhe yaar, dil mein baji guitar!", we distort our culture and heritage by copying the west (this i hate, but that's India), we sketch and declare love on the walls of heritage monuments. We wear tacky clothes, like tacky things, go crazy romantic. We have a hundred thousand problems. We are conservative yet liberal at times failing to be just to either. We try being people we are not. We Indians are stupid. We waste time on cricket matches, we prefer beauty over brains. We have no sense of time or proportion, we have no proper healthcare or sanitation, we are poor, we fight over issues so bad that we scare away MNCs from our cities, we get communal, we fight and tease each other about their state, we take false pride in belonging to communities that are said to have progressed a lot. We have cheap booze, we buy branded clothes from the export supply roadside shop. We live on panipuri and chat. We drive rash while listening to pretentious hard rock music, having very much Indian ethos that we feel ashamed to acclaim. We allow movies like Slumdog Millionaire to be shot in the country and we run after the Oscar only because the West approves of it. We realize the talent in Amartya Sen or Satyajit Ray or even Tagore only after they've be applauded by the world. We Indians are really stupid.

But there's passion in our stupidity, there's intellect coexisting with everything tacky. We, inspite of being "underdeveloped" are liberal enough to let the West mock us while we laugh at them. In spite of being stuck with a population problem, we are the fastest growing economy. We have our music, our dance, our paintings- and not one, high quality and more than 20 schools in each. We have lingual and cultural variety. We have 28 countries in one and yet we are one. All the stupidity makes sense because at heart we are caring, compassionate and die-hard romantic. Save a few terrorists and mafias, we basically are innocent at heart. And that is why we have been fooled time and again into being parts of various civilizations through history. And even then we haven't changed at heart, we've grown! We've taken sciences from the vedic ages, we have taken medicine from the Guptas, art from Mughals, courage from the Rajputs, spirituality from the world across. We are Indians and we are proud of it. And trust me, whatever you Westerners think, we love our country and this is the only place we ever want to be in!

Tumi Ashbe Bolei

2011-02-08T07:29:00.000-08:00

Tumi Ashbe Bolei- Only because you'll come: One of the best Durga Puja lyrics- truly feel the warmth and the importance of being good and true to yourself and the fact that man is god fearing because man wants some order in the society.

Role Models (contd.)

2011-02-03T13:06:00.000-08:00

You know, role models become so for a reason. Not for the money they are making, not for the fame they have earned not even for the passionate hard work they put in; it's simply because they are ingenious human beings. When in dire crisis, even though busy as crazy they'll try sort out things with you, help you, put humanity as a priority. And such people these days are rare. And that is exactly why she is my role model. She gave me counselling when I needed, guided me with my work (which I agree is a part of her duty) AND she was the first person to volunteer to donate blood inspite of being so very busy. If I were a guy I would have found so much hotness in her coolness. Seriously she's a rockstar!

Declaring Emotional Bankrupcy

2011-01-15T09:13:00.000-08:00

I've realized something over the last one week. We as a generation are absolutely emotionally challenged! Whomever I've talked to, seen around me, tried to take advice from gave me back the same story. What's wrong with us I wonder! Or is there anything wrong? Did our parents go through the same head vs. heart turmoil when they were our age? Is it that we give problems too less time to sort out by themselves? Or is it that being busy has become so much a part of our lives that whenever we are free we try to jump into strange relationships and then go completely emotionally bankrupt?! Is this the problem our ancient culture was trying to guard us against by defining specific gender roles? If yes, I think that was a pathetic solution. If no, what is the solution?

Acknowledging the Women in my Life

2011-01-07T12:41:00.000-08:00

I realized something very important. Only women have been able to influence my life. No, am not a feminist. But female characters in my life have been exceptionally strong. My mom, my aunts, Bela Dutta Gupta, Suchitra Mitra (well am blessed I had a chance to know these legends personally!) and Susan Thomas. Trust me, I've never come across men as strong and as inspired and successful. Perhaps what they say is true, "Behind every successful man, there is a woman." However behind women perhaps there are just more women. Am not sure. But this post is just an acknowledgement to all these women in my life.

On Role Models

2010-12-15T09:00:00.000-08:00

There are some people you meet in life and you change the way you think about life. I've finally met her and I don't know how to... rather what to say. Since this blog is hardly frequented by people, and people at IGIDR, I can safely declare who she is. But I guess that's not important. What's important is she!

All my life I'd thought you have a role model just to write your language compositions. I even contended, "Why can I not be just like I want to be?" But then I met her and all I wanted to be like is her. The strange enigma about her, the elegance that's so simple yet so attractive, the intelligence that created one of the world's most liquid markets and of course her grounded self that steals the show in spite of the riches she might possess. I never liked pompous people, but meeting her, I knew how to be confident yet not arrogant; simple yet smart; cool yet sincere. She doesn't give a damn, she doesn't care a bit yet she steals your heart. As lovelorn and lovestruck this piece might sound, I would just say, I've no better words to tell you how much I admire her. She's brilliant, she's sweet, she's Susan Thomas!

Why I take Astrology with a pinch of salt!

2010-12-05T01:27:00.000-08:00

Everything and not just humans should have a horoscope if we were so to say! Astrology considers only human fate. It doesn't perhaps negate the existence of say a cat having a horoscope but I doubt if it has enough knowledge to come up with different predictions for a cat and a human born at the same time and place.

Further on similar lines, this struck me when I showed someone my brother's horoscope. The guy said he'd be rich and richer than me. So a thousand babies born at the same time and place would be equally rich! Unlikely!

My horoscope said I'd run away from college, I did not! Perhaps screwed up the chance to be rich and famous like my horoscope says! :p

I've seen people taking whatever they have on their horoscope as given and not working to improve situations. This is dangerous when you're in a mess! I know a guy who wasted almost 5 years thinking that the situation he was in was fated to be and hence he sat back and kept watching! Woww, 5 years!!!

The list ain't exhaustive, I can't remember the rest now and I lost interest in the post.

Grapes are Sour!

2010-11-17T10:36:00.000-08:00

Life is strange- the moment you find you can't have something you want it more and yet say that grapes are sour. Perhaps the grapes are really sour but the only reason you want them is because out of their reach. I earnestly hope there is enough good sense in us to pick and have to sweet blackberries rather than waste time over grapes that may or may not be sweet.

Lessons from a Stranger

2010-11-12T16:18:00.000-08:00

There are times when you meet a stranger, have a nice chat, make a connection but don't ask for details. You part saying "It was really nice interacting with you. :)" This is for such an IIMA alumnus who stayed in Hyderabad for 6 months, "It was nice talking to you too!" and more importantly I like such meetings- it just exists for the moment and there are no strings attached. No event to spoil the perfect chat, no clumsy questions such that you feel stifled and ignore him right away.

P.S. I exaggerated it a bit. It wasn't a long enough chat to be a perfect chat. Whatever! Who cares?! The longer they are, the worse they get... But I liked how I was, composed and with the right attitude. I want to be that with everybody. I guess I liked it not because I liked him but because I liked me and discovered the me I like. :)

2010-10-27T07:43:00.001-07:00

Whether or not a true Bengali likes fish and sweets, a true Bengali loves Rabindrasangeet once he/she comes of age!

On Religion

2010-10-24T05:04:00.000-07:00

I don't care if am hurting people's sentiments here. Religion indeed is the opium of mankind! It is too trivial a thing to argue and fight about. You don't know if God exists and you try finding which way is a better way of getting closer to God! Strange! If there be any God, I think he/she/it will be the happiest if we follow the religion of humanity and not discuss why someone converted to some religion and how great or not so great the respective religions are. If I have faith enough in my abilities and have some amount of intelligence to think independently, I believe be it Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, or Zoroastrianism, all give us the same amount of freedom to practice our faiths. If you think it doesn't you are probably interpreting it wrong and think some more rather than trashing the religion.

Muddled Mind

2010-10-23T09:05:00.000-07:00

There are so many things you want to say but can't; so many things that you want to do but can't... Whoever says a man can do whatever he wants to is definitely wrong. Most of the times life demands you to make a choice and the trade-offs make the problem really really difficult. It's weird to grow up gradually and suddenly realize that you've grown up and in a different way from most others. It's scary, confusing- how I wish things were simpler!

2010-10-22T02:43:00.000-07:00

These days i honestly fail to understand if am too simple or too complicated. Why is it so difficult for people to get me?

2010-10-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

If your a clown reading this, I just wrote this to make you realize you're a clown reading this! Take care, bye!

Those Anonymous Relations

2010-10-21T09:36:00.000-07:00

There are some people in your life you respect a lot, care for a lot, don't expect too much in return. It's kind of a platonic love. I wonder if these are the people whom you can call a soul mate. The word is so very loaded, but I still don't understand what the concept of a soul mate is. And I don't agree to the fact that your soul mate is the person whom you're eventually supposed to fall in love with. Anyway, that's another discussion altogether. All I wanted to express is that not all relations have names, but they are special in a very special way. But am afraid, such relations might not last because they are in that misty region covered with the froth called love and friendship. Am not saying love or friendship are not good but perhaps the best relations in life are those that don't have names. They are strange, weird in every way; but they make you happy and fulfilled. And isn't that the whole purpose of life?

Solace in Tagore

2010-10-09T03:57:00.000-07:00

These days, whenever I feel sad, I listen to Rabindrasangeet. It's heartbreaking, it's beyond what I can describe... It's been something I've not explored and am wondering why. It gives you solace. Mostly I guess because he went through so much... Am feeling very very depressed, I don't know why, or wait, I do know why! But am feeling even more morose after listening to the song

গহন কুসুমকুঞ্জমাঝে
মৃদুল মধুর বংশি বাজে ,
বিসরি ত্রাস - লোকলাজে
সজনি , আও আও লো ।

I read the dedication of Bhanusingha'er Padabali, it broke my heart!

উৎসর্গ

ভানুসিংহের কবিতাগুলি ছাপাইতে তুমি আমাকে অনেকবার
অনুরোধ করিয়াছিলে। তখন সে অনুরোধ পালন করি নাই।
আজ ছাপাইছি, আজ তুমি আর দেখিতে পাইলে না|

People would say don't read, don't listen to it if they make you depressed. But then what do they know of creativity, of penning down your truest, deepest feelings, of Rabindranath?

Eco Tit-bits

2010-04-30T10:53:00.000-07:00

Was reading a paper in the EJ of the 1st quarter today. Kinda fell in love with the game theoretic approach the author took on explaining the financial crisis. Optimism and pessimism are both states of minds and many a times quite easy to manipulate. The author suggested as an example from "It's a Wonderful Life" as to how the customers ended up withdrawing lesser from their deposits while the frequent bank runs during the Great Depression, once they were made to believe that the bank is there to stay!

Wonder if we could, beside fiscal and monetary policies, frame policies taking in to account human behaviour. Modelling would be a challenge but definitely it's something that has scope for research!!

You Know You are an Economist When...

2010-03-24T01:49:00.001-07:00

You continually include "optimize", "budget (set)" and "limit tends to" in your vocab without even realizing it
You trying figuring out if you have smooth, convex preferences
You wonder if and how much to save, keeping in mind "The Paradox of Thrift"
You make Economics jokes (you reach heights when you can incorporate "neighbourhoods" and "open balls" in the jokes- if you don't understand this, don't bother, you are safe!)
People around you understand your jokes or give a puzzled frown
You assume and predict
You claim to understand most phenomena in the world with an "epsilon" error term
Epsilon is sufficiently small to suit your model but big enough to create a major disturbance
Data doesn't suit your fancy models
"In the Long Run we are all dead!" is knowledge to you!
demand, supply and extraction of consumer surplus is a way of making ppl understand the essence of bargaining.
Monopoly power is a term so common while discussing prices.
Time constraint n budget constraint are terms which seem easier to use than time limit n just budget!
You have found the above extremely "normal"

P.S. This list is not exhaustive, suggestions and additions are welcome.

2010-03-17T13:33:00.000-07:00

We have all been 21... we've all made mistakes when we were 21!!

Back to You

2010-03-02T12:15:00.000-08:00

Not may be with a vengeance, but I've decided to write more frequently. It was indeed disturbing to realize that it's been over about 2 years since I've written anything that satisfies me. But then, perhaps the best pieces flow from the "pen", the "keyboard" in this case, when you are upset, depressed, lonely- psycho-pathetically true!! And am at least happy to realize that I've been mostly happy since 2008 and writing for me became inversely proportional to my happiness.

Doesn't mean, am unhappy... trying to search myself and add some dimension to this morose blog in a peaceful state of mind- or so do I hope.

Soul Searching

2010-03-02T12:00:00.000-08:00

You gave me light,
You gave me darkness,
You give me wings to fly high.

You give me power,
You give me illness,
You give a sail to steer through.

You give me joy,
You give me grief,
You give heartbreaks to tear me apart.

You give me strength,
You make me weak,
You give me love, never explained.

Innocence

2009-06-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

Colours- Unplugged

2008-06-09T09:11:00.001-07:00

They had the most perfect life together. Other couples were in awe of their “made for each other” match. They were the perfect example of the fact that love does not die after marriage if only you give it your 100%. Sneha’s mind rambled as she thought of all those happy moments that Rahul and she had shared. A drop of tear rolled down her cheeks, she held back the rest as little Tanisha burst in the room.

“Where’s daddy mom? I called on his phone… he scolded me!!” Sneha held her as she sobbed. “Don’t worry baby... daddy will return soon” she said, whispering to herself, “how I hope!”

Everything was fit and fine till the day Sneha asked Rahul not to let Tanisha go to an elderly neighbour’s place alone. He lived next door- a man well in to his sixties. Rahul was amazed. He forever had looked up to him with great regards. He would not have Sneha doubting people he respected! He demanded an answer. Sneha fumbled.

“What is it Sneha? You can tell me!! You know I care for Tanisha as much as you do dear…”

“I’m afraid, Rahul, you won’t understand.” She was searching for the thoughts that were playing in Rahul’s mind. She could not find any.

Yet again Rahul asked, a little more severely this time. “Tell me Sneha!!”

“Listen if you have to!” She gushed out everything from within herself- all the pain and frustration she had held in herself for all these years, wondering whether Rahul would be ready to accept what she had to say. The last thing she wanted was a broken love marriage!

“I loved chocolates …” she started. “One evening, the uncle next door told me he has chocolates for me. My parents respected him a lot and let me go. I still wonder why!!” She paused. Rahul was waiting… amazed.

Sneha was a victim of child abuse… and this was the first time Rahul got to know of that!

“No Rahul… I don’t want to take any chance… I don’t want my daughter to carry this burden of guilt that never was hers… I don’t want her to suffer!!!”

Rahul rushed out of home. He didn’t return for the next four days. He didn’t take calls. In fact Tanisha’s was the first call he had taken in the last four days. As Sneha sat crying, Tanisha woke up and searched for daddy. The paradise seemed to have vanished from these three lives. Neither Sneha nor Rahul wanted to discuss their personal lives with any third person… Rahul drowned himself in alcohol, Sneha in grief and tears.

The bell rang. Tanisha was expecting Rahul every time there was a knock on the door. This time she said “No mom, this isn’t daddy, I won’t open the door”. There was a knock again and then the latch turned.

It was Rahul. “I’m angry with you Sneha! Not because you were molested as a child… but because you thought I’d leave you for this. This is how much you trust me!! Is this what my love is worth?”

Sneha fell on his chest and cried… “Every girl isn’t as lucky as me. Everyone is not Rahul!! Not everyone would understand that the fault wasn’t mine…” Her voice choked…

Little Tanisha didn’t understand much of it. She simply and solemnly asked, “Why is mom crying dad? Is it because the doll is for me and not her?” Rahul and Sneha hugged her, “Yes our little doll…”

A Torn Page

2008-06-09T09:09:00.000-07:00

… saw the blotches of emotions overwhelmed within me. The starry night- he loved to paint. I remembered Van Gough. The emotions traveled low and behold, whispering strange tales in my ears. A dog barked somewhere. From the balcony, I climbed down the stairs in to the field. I walked through the paddy field into a clearing by the lake. The moonlight bathed my soul. The dog still barked. Some insects chirped. As I waited, the scarecrow suddenly seemed to walk- it was an illusion of my derailed mind… Suddenly the cool breeze stopped. I was thirsty. The well beckoned me with all it had. I have been here half of my life and I did not know the eerie nights out in the moonlight. Shilpa had never told me all this. She had just had given me cell number. 09642899063. I unlocked my cell and checked the tower. I dialed the number, the phone rang on the…

Evolution... the dependent way

2008-03-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

Adam and Eve had 2 sons. Now don't ask me their holy names again.. they are not so important that i of all people should remember them!! Nah, if you are wondering this is a story about Christian morality, you are very sadly mistaken... i never find morals in it.. but then that's another story!!

So Adam and Eve had 2 sons. I was discussing this with a friend and the obvious question arose. Then how did it continue? How did they have kids? Well... we are not perverted... we don't talk of incest of "moulla FUKir"-s. We were science students!! So, here was my friend explaining evolution.. (who the hell cared for Darwin by the way?) Adam and Eve's sons found themselves lady monkies and married (since we are kids we don't go in to details!! ;) and thus came our favourite monkey... Andrew Symonds!!

Is that racially offensive? Well we just said what they wanted to hear... black moneys or white monkeys.. Mr. Symonds, we respect you... you have indeed stuck to your roots... i perfectly understand that since you lost your tail, branches are no longer a good place for you!!! :P

So, isn't that simple enough? Evolution simplified... and if you call me a racist... ummm well i hate most of the whites, so am definitely a racist... but i respect all of them, how they stick to their "roots"!!

P.S. Since i started this with Adam and Eve... i'll come back to Christianity on some other blog.. till then learn how to escape perversion!! :D :P

Derailed...

2007-09-22T10:31:00.000-07:00

Tending the blisters, hoping for cure,
Witnessing destruction, waiting for the messiah,
The blisters burn, the wounds hurt,
The zone of probability complies, conspires!
Likes attract but repel, confusion rules
In derailed minds, breath-taking blues...
The mind goes on, so does the pen,
The heart stops somewhere...
"Uncanny" they say, the heart says "No"-
Choices of utility optimisation
Subject to love constraint.
"Love constraint?" laugh they,
"It's an use and throw world,
What kills emotions is materials"
It says; protests agonised-
"... And what kill materials is emotions!
Your messiah is the same as mine,
Salvation the end-all of things!"
Confusion rules, confusion reigns,
Confusion fuses into the mind-
Fusion-Con, Con-fusion!!

Shadow

2007-09-22T10:15:00.000-07:00

When love cries out, gets betrayed,
When hate blossoms find their way,
Then you find me behind that shadow,
- A region between affection and imposition...

When people stop caring or understanding,
When expectation forever stops itself,
Then you find me behind that shadow,
- A place between expectation and anticipation...

When sweet dreams turn into nightmares,
When friendship and enemity confuse,
Then you find me behind that shadow,
- A point between love and hate...

When the soft rain lashes ,
When the bright sun scorches,
Then you find me behind that shadow,
- A dillemma where no emotions reign...

Penning Down...

2007-09-22T10:14:00.001-07:00

Bid me goodbye before I go,
Bid me goodbye before I know!
I don’t know which path I’ll be treading,
But I’m sure it’s peace towards I’ll be heading!

Sweet thoughts and dreams portraying my mind,
Perhaps I’ll dream of this world, hope someday it’ll be kind:
To people whose powers are gone,
Who go on living without passion,
Who linger just on the memory lane…
As the wait for their departure.

So much tension, so much clash!
People are humans- not robots!
But the world is running and advancing,
With just psychologists to help them…
But what sense does it make-
When you have to come back to the same old torture?!
Again waiting for your departure?!

NO, I don’t wanna come back…
So, bid me good bye-
For soon I’ll be making my journey..
With the sunfall…

Intoxicated

2007-09-22T10:10:00.000-07:00

The morning: it dawns-
In the valley with those birds,
Chirping and chirping along
Are they, as the sun peeps out-
From behind the ranges…
Flooding the peaks with light.

The valley overflows with light-
The melody of the stream…
And you feel the sprit of love,
Hypnotising you….
As the nature shows a new day
To live for...

Passes the midday and sets in dusk,
With the vibrations of red…
And as it pales out into blue,
The sky darkens and darkens…
The twinkle so soft,
The shadows on the valley…

The twilight changes to…
A moonlit evening,
The valley bathes in the purity-
Of white yet again…
The birds have retired to
Their nests………

The eternal silence
Fills you with happiness,
And emotions,
And nostalgia…
Yet again those finer tastes
Get refined… With the picturesque valley…

Obituary

2007-08-19T09:34:00.000-07:00

Waiting for an acknowledgement that'll never come,
Waiting for friends who'll never remember,
Hoping for miracles that'll never occur,
Dazing to eternity as life unfolds...

Caring for people who'll never feel,
Nourishing the dreams that'll never be,
Witnessing events that'll keep mum,
Kicking promises as they shape up!

Cherishing moments they've killed forever,
Recognising ethics that i'll never respect,
Clinging on to people miles away,
Slow-poisoning the soul till next dawn...

Will You??

2007-08-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

When i'm gone, miss me
- will you?
Cherish the memories,
Enjoy the twilight,
Remember the romance
in the moonlit night.

The gushing stream,
The bows of the banyan,
The starry night
- when owls flew by!
The just dawning day,
The call of the birds,
The sunshine shining
... on to our faces
- will you?

Tell them how we killed time,
How toxicating love could be with us,
The flowers i loved,
The dreams we spun,
The hopes that flourished,
The nostalgia that was born!
The unborn hopes,
The budding desires...
Tell 'em all about it
- will you?

And not my death
be mourning,
On my grave bring
primroses and orchids,
Sit by me on those
moonlit nights,
Remember the way
we killed time!
Be by me always,
to the end of time.
Just remember me fondly enough
- will you?

Volumes

2007-08-19T08:40:00.000-07:00

Powers have drained out
- i can write no more,
Sweet dreams have flown away
- i don't imagine anymore.
My innocence lies in that dustbin
- as i stare at this world
- dazzled, bemused...

Love has stopped hypnotising me
- i no more feel toxicated.
Regards have found their way
- to places it never belonged!
Hatred rules my heart
- like a poison it swells, erupts...
- where i never imagined it would...

My soul has died out,
My mind has atrophied,
The heart is no more a heart-
My feelings have flown by
... hypocrisy hypnotising me...

Z-Files

2007-08-19T03:31:00.001-07:00

Alone under the blue sky,
Alone amongst the green grass,
Alone in the city-lull,
Alone amidst all friends!

Melancholy breeze, morose colours,
Portrayal of a human heart,
Uncaring love, un-felt words,
Symphonies unbound, recurring sounds.

Happy hearts, tired souls,
Faint memories,
Decaying feelings,
Hostile friends, echoing blues...

Sad with happiness,
Cacophonous harmony,
Echoing colours,
Forlorn crowd!

Remnants of imagery,
Ruins of feelings,
Graveyard of memories-
Intoxicated minds...